This is by far my favorite Bridal Fair and you are invited to attend. Come and meet some of the best wedding professionals in the Bay Area and enjoy complimentary hors d’oeuvres and beverages. There will also be hourly drawings and, it’s absolutely free!
Many of the engaged couples that I talk with feel obligated to write their own wedding vows and express a lack of motivation to do so — not a fun place to be. The good news is that you don’t have to spend hours trying to come up with your own words in order to have personalized and meaningful wedding vows. I suggest that you and your fiance sit down and edit a vow has already been written. There are lots of great vows out there and there is no reason that you can’t take a little bit of artistic license with one of them. Below is a four step process that I have developed for my clients.
Sit down with your fiance and read through some wedding vows until you find one that comes close to fitting your personalties. I have some great examples of wedding vows on my website.
Watch the short video that I created on wedding vows. It will give you some good background information on wedding vows and what they are supposed to accomplish. You can find my wedding vow video here.
Read the vow through several times with your fiance and talk about what you like and don’t like about it.
Now go through the vow and rewrite it. Make it your own. Keep the words you like and throwaway or edit the ones you don’t.
When my parents married, my Dad had three children from his first marriage and my mother had one child from her first marriage. Their wedding marked two distinct and major life changing events: One, they became husband and wife. Two, they formed a blended family. After years of working with engaged couples who already have children, I have learned that it is important to honor both the formation of the marriage and the beginning of a new family during the wedding ceremony. Below, I share some of what I have learned about doing this well.
The way that you choose to include your children in your wedding ceremony has the potential to help them understand the roll they are going to play in their new family.
If you plan to ask your son or daughter to be the Best Man or Maid of Honor, tell them why you want them to stand at your side and make a big deal out of it. Traditionally the Best Man and Made of Honor are confidants and advisors to the bride and groom. This may not be an appropriate roll to assign to you child (especially if her or she is young). I suggest redefining the roll to make it work for your family.
Your wedding vows outline the commitment you are making to your fiancé. They mark the moment the two of you become husband and wife. I suggest allowing the wedding vows to focus on your marriage and finding another way to include your children.
Many popular wedding rituals, like the lighting of the unity candle and the sand ceremony, can be modified to include your children and are a great way to mark the beginning of your new family. One of our officiants would be happy to discuss this further with you at a free consultation.
In mid November I had the privileged of marrying Ellie and Danny at the Ruby Hill winery in Pleasanton, CA. The video of their wedding by Shakewell Studios is fantastic so I thought I would share it with you all. If you are looking for a great Bay Area Videographer I highly recommend them.
I find that many of the couples that I work with don’t really know what a wedding vow is. In this short video I explain what wedding vows have traditionally meant. I don’t believe that couples have to buy into the traditional meaning; but, I think it can help them think about what their vows will mean for them. I would love to hear any of your comments.
In my roll as a San Jose Wedding Officiant and Premarital Coach I work with a lot of couples that are learning how to live together. This great quiz will help you understand what it’s like for you partner to live with you.
While you are getting ready for work you realize that your dearly beloved has once again used all of the hot watter and you are facing another cold shower. You:
Convince yourself that cold showers are a spiritual experience
Start taking your showers the night before
Ask your loved one to take his/her shower earlier
Get up really early the next day, take an excessively long hot shower and do two loads of laundry making sure that all hot water is gone long before your loved one steps into the shower
An old friend wants to come by and visit. You:
Ask your loved one if they mind having visitors
Say, “excellent, I can’t wait for you to meet my better half. Perhaps we all play a game.”
Say “yes” without asking
Ask your spouse to go out so that you can reminisce about the good old days
Socks, shoes, books and half eaten food are strewn about the house. Several attempts to get your spouse to clean up after himself/herself have not worked. This makes you feel:
Nothing. It does not bother you
disrespected so you talk to your spouse
like a maid
Concerned about where to hide the body after committing the crime
After a long day you want to kick back and watch some good TV. Your spouse is ready to party and wants to go out. You:
Force yourself to get excited and go out with a smile on your face
Go out anyway and try to enjoy yourself
Tell your spouse what you would like and work towards a compromise
Convince your spouse to sit down and watch reruns of Friends with you
You need a little time alone. You:
Pretend like you want to spend time with your spouse
Tell your spouse what you need in a loving way
Disappear for a while without telling anyone where you are
Have a friend call and say that you have been in a minor car accident and will be home by nine.
If you answered 1 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:
You consider yourself an easy going individual
You put your partners needs in front of yours
Or perhaps… you chose your answers while your spouse was looking over your shoulder and you intend to change them later
If you answered 2 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:
You know how to be diplomatic
Your open and rational style will help resolve conflict
If you answered 3 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:
You like things your way; but, are willing to compromise and change when necessary
If you answered 4 to all or most of the above scenarios the following is likely true about you:
You are a strong willed person and may need to post bail in the very near future
Money, regardless of how much or little a couple has, creates stress in a relationship. After years of coaching engaged couples, I have found that following the simple process outline below really helps couples deal with their money matters:
1) Set individual short and long term goals. Sit down without your partner and write down what you want your money to do for you. It is important for both you and your faïence to know what you want as unique individuals. Marriage is going to require you to compromise and sacrifice on the financial front and you will be far less resentful if your are clear about what you are sacrificing and why. Trust me, this helps.
Your short term goals should focus on the next six months to one year.
Your long term goals should focus on the next one to five years.
2) Create couple short and long term goals. Now its time to sit down with you partner and plan for the future. Read each others goals (the ones you set in step 1) and tell you partner what’s important to you and why. Listen to what you partner has to say. Once you have heard each other it’s time to put pen to paper and write short and long term goals together. These goals will help guide your married financial life.
3) Create a Budget. This is not fun; but it is essential. There are some great websites out there that will help you with this process like Mint.com. You can also download my free budget worksheet. If you are not currently combining your income this is a good chance to see what you combined income will look like. It’s also a good time to talk about bank accounts (will you get a joint account or keep separate accounts) and who is going to pay the bills.
4) Pick one of your long term goals and one of your short term goals and devise a plan to achieve them based on your budget.
5) After one month sit down you partner look at your budget again and evaluate your progress. Can you start working toward another one of your goals or do you need to reevaluate what you did last month.
One final note: I am not a financial planner and you should consult a professional financial planner before making any big financial decisions.
If anyone has any has any great budgeting ideas for couples, please comment. I’d love to hear them.
The History Club of Los Gatos is a great little wedding venue nestled in a woodsy area near downtown Los Gaots, CA. The grounds are very well kept and quite attractive. They have a great garden patio for the wedding ceremony and the hall provides the perfect place for dinner and dancing. I have listed a few things that I really like about this venue below:
1) If you use their preferred vendor you can do your entire wedding for a little over $6,000. Now that is a great deal.
2) The History Club is a not profit organisation which means that you are not dealing with an impersonal corporation.
3) Almost every penny that you spend with the History Club is given to local charities.
I had the pleasure of marrying Danny and Ellie Vong at the Casa Real at Ruby Hill Winery this weekend. It was rainy and cold which could have made for a difficult day; but, Casa Real turned the weather into a positive by having the ceremony in front of the fire place in the Amber room (picture to the left). The Amber room is large, elegant and had no problem handling the 250 guest that were present.
The Event Coordinator Alyssa Jones was incredible! She was very organised and detail oriented (important for someone in her position). I watched her work with all the vendors to make sure that everything was perfect. She did not want the Bride and Groom to have to worry about a thing.
I also like the fact that they have an in house sound system and DJ. The really makes a difference. The music was the right volume, voices could be heard and the timing of the songs was perfect.
All in all I have to give Casa Real and A+. It is a truly well run and beautiful place.
A good friend of mine says, “in a relationship where there is no disagreement someone is not being heard — their opinion is not being counted.” Conflict is not a bad thing. It is a natural part of every relationship; however, unresolved conflict can grow, fester and become extremely destructive. Below I have outline a blueprint for resolving conflict. Follow these 10 steps and you are well on your way to happy and healthy relationship.
Choose a specific time and place to discuss the issue you have conflict about. Don’t try to solve issues in the heat of the moment or just before bed when everyones is tired. This requires restraint; but, it is worth it.
Define one problem to discuss. Don’t try and solve every issue in your relationship at once.
Understand how you contribute to the problem and take responsibility for it. Do this without blaming your partner.
Make a list of past attempts to solve this conflict that were not successful. There is no sense in continuing to do things that don’t work.
make a list of possible new solutions. Let the creativity flow. Include crazy ideas.
Discuss and evaluate possible solutions with your partner.
Agree on one solution.
Agree on how each of you will work toward the solution.
Set up another meeting (be specific about time and location) to discuss your progress.
Recognize your partner when he/she contributes to success.
